‘Loneliness is a required course for leadership’- Elisabeth Elliot
           A true leader must have enough backbone to stand alone - even when the crowd wants to take the easy road home. A true leader cannot be dependent on companionship for his or her security, but must learn to trust God alone. Singleness can give us this kind of backbone - courage, confidence, and leadership skills that any effective Christian must learn. (When God Writes Your Love Story, Eric & Lesly Ludy) 

Psalm 77

1	I cried unto God with my voice,          even unto God with my voice; and he gave ear unto me.
2	In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord:          my sore ran in the night, and ceased not: my soul refused to be comforted.
3	I remembered God, and was troubled:          I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed. Selah.
4	Thou holdest mine eyes waking:          I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
5	I have considered the days of old,          the years of ancient times.
6	I call to remembrance my song in the night:          I commune with mine own heart: and my spirit made diligent search.
7	Will the Lord cast off for ever?          And will he be favorable no more?
8	Is his mercy clean gone for ever?          Doth his promise fail for evermore?
9	Hath God forgotten to be gracious?          Hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies? Selah.
10	And I said, This is my infirmity:          but I will remember the years of the right hand of the Most High.
11	I will remember the works of the LORD:          surely I will remember thy wonders of old.
12	I will meditate also of all thy work,          and talk of thy doings.
13	Thy way, O God, is in the sanctuary:          who is so great a God as our God?
14	Thou art the God that doest wonders:          thou hast declared thy strength among the people.
15	Thou hast with thine arm redeemed thy people,          the sons of Jacob and Joseph. Selah.
16	The waters saw thee, O God,          the waters saw thee; they were afraid: the depths also were troubled.
17	The clouds poured out water:          the skies sent out a sound: thine arrows also went abroad.
18	The voice of thy thunder was in the heaven:          the lightnings lightened the world: the earth trembled and shook.
19	Thy way is in the sea,          and thy path in the great waters, and thy footsteps are not known.
20	Thou leddest thy people like a flock          by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

Here we go again.. I admit there are times where I really wanted to give up! But there are still part of me that I wanted to hold on to that hope that I have within. What I felt yesterday was really really a push to the edge of my patience. I tried to keep strong but then I gave up I broke down and started crying.. Then I asked Him, Lord! if You know that this was going to happen why didn't you tell me? Why did you let me prepare all the way but didn't let me at least sit on my chair to take my exam. You know and you saw it how I pave for it even I don't like.. Honestly I felt a little grouch yesterday, I wanted to rebel against Him. But still I attended the sunday service and there the church leaders prayed for me not only me but to the souls who needs prayers. I was thankful for that I felt relief and then our pastor's wife hold my hand she prayed and anoint it. She told me that God wanted me to see miracles far above what I could imagine. She was giving me some instructions that I need to put my hands on mama and she would be healed only then if I believe. She also said that I need to pray for courage in order to do that. I felt joy after that conversation and prayer. But still I wasn't feeling okay because I still remember what had happened. Maybe this are what they called tough times! and this is really TRUST HIM in tough times! Lord, I don't know but I wanted to tell You that I am sorry, sorry if I underestimated you and if I have putted you in a box. Lord you know what scares me and that is the future. I don't really understand why You put that confidence in me. Lord I really don't know what You are doing I really don't know. And there's nothing left in me but to trust You.

“Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do; He reveals to you Who He is.” — Oswald Chambers

I was going to create a new blog page in tumblr but then I remember this site keke. So here I am ready to bursts out my feelings with words. I just hope I can express it in words, because the truth is I'm no good in putting it into words. Anyways, let me start by saying I'm struggling with my feelings for someone, I don't know but do you remember that guy whom I said he's harder than a headache!? Well, surprisingly he's still the reason for this sentiments. I don't know if I'm in love  or whatever but I'm sure my feelings for that guy haven't change since the day I knew what I feel.about him. He's older than me I think 2 years older than me, he has a humor, yes looks is included, his personality is good too, but what attracted me most is how he is serving God. I've seen him had lots of girls then had a heartbreak and during those days I wasn't feeling anything for him so it was okay. He even get involved with one of my cellmates, and I admit I'm one of the persons who tease them to be together. But now, what I've done felt like a slapped on my face. I feel jealous whenever he talks with his ex's or with other girls. What is this I'm being rude, he wasn't even interested in me. I've been praying to God for Him to remove this feelings but months had past still my feelings haven't change. Oh my I'm inlove to someone who doesn't even sees me as a woman. Yayks to bad for me. But then, sometimes I get confused with my feelings there are times where I feel like I want to see him badly but when I see him my heartbeat goes back to its normal range and it felt like I'm just fine. Well, with my parents and family standards you can't enter in a relationship while you are studying. I know, I know, that's why I wanted this to end. I just want to be me like old times no more attachments. And I just want this feeling to be clear.

Hello secret place! This is my mother! :) She seems so old and tired because she's been battling with her disease. Praise God! because she's still has the strength and guts!